Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
