either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did I show you my penis last night?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
