Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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