it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
