is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize