Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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