Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
