I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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