we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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