I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
