I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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