Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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