dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
