You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
