I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
