and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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