i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A+ Viking dick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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