I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
