don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
