we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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