So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
