if i died would you start the facebook group?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So vagazzling was a success
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
