On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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