I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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