You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize