My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
