MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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