We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
