i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
