She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
