I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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