Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
