I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
