I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Small penises have feelings too.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
