We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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