I wish my penis had an off switch
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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