Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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