I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
