i think my tv is drunk
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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