I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
