If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
