I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
