I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize