I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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