So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
