sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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