this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You dont lie about slip and slides
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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