road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
