I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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