I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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