i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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