Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
