are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
