I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
