I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
