Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
