this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
