I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
