In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
