Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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