I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
