I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
