So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
