Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
