When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
