he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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