Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
