its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
