i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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