Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
