i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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