whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
