You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she peed on how many people?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
