Umm I'm too high to move.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
